So
often it is possible to hear there: "I have met the
wrong guy", or "I thought he was another person", or
"It is not my type of the man"... And the woman
leaves away such the guy, being disappointed. Possible, sometimes
such the men can be disappointed that the partner left him for
these reasons. And, sometimes they might also think that it was
their fault the women had left them. Indeed, if the guy meets
some problems like this in the relationship, first of all, it
is the fault of his parents, specially, the father.
...The
period of being in love with the mother it is the most
important period in the life of the young boy. It is the most
sensative moment. It is the moment when the interest to the
females appears. It is also the time to become mature and
brave. In this period close to the baby-boy has to be the father.
The father, who clearly can let the son understand that the
mother belongs to him. And to the son potentially belongs
many other women. The Complex of Epid to pass in the harmony
way it is the destiny and the hard work of the
father : the son can not be the elect of the mother. This divides
the life of the son into two parts. The one when the baby-boy
mergers with the mother and his desire to come back into
intrauterine period. And another one period when being
separated with the mother, he can become independent in future.
And in future he can have the women like a male, not like a
son, who looks for the way of the merger with the
mother. That's why it is so important the father was ready to
accept the son in the period of necessity and complicated
confrontation. That's why the man has to ask himself the
question: which father there was my father, and which father
there will be I?
The
appearance of the father has a great role in the development of
the baby-boy and his relationship with the world and other
people who surround him. Via that appearance of the father and
his attitude to it, the baby-boy gets to know what does it mean
to be a man. Depends on what the father there was, his son will
have appropriate character.
Pity,
not all fathers understand how important there is their
present in the baby-boy establishing like a mature man. Here
is the typology of the fathers, and the influence of such the
prototype and behaviour later.
The absent father
Such
kind of the father can be present physically in the family,
but be absent in emotional way. The family for him is like the
furniture. Such the person did not accept the role of the
father, and left it for the mother, or for another man.
The
son of the absent father feels like to be left alone. The father
left the young guy in some way alone, so he feels like he is
not worth the attention. This feeling creates the basics of
the low self-esteem. The baby-boy who needs the father, will be
looking for someone from his surrounding for that role, or will
create the imaginative image of the father. The son gets angry
for being left alone without attention. And he can built the
image of "father stealer". Late such the person will see
that image in another men, specially whose who have the
power.
The
key to compensate the absence of the father, the fatherhood.
The son of the absent father will feel difficulties
in the appearance of strength and braveness. The scare in front
of the woman is also possible, the problems with the erection.
Very often the women tell to such the guy that he is too much
soft or gentle. Or that they can not feel his presents, his
involvement in the process. Such a kind of guys often are not
faithful.
So, the key to compensate the absence of the
father is his own fatherhood. That's mean in the future to become
the father that really takes care about the son and spends
enough time, gives enough time and attention. Such the guy,
that in the past had the absent father, can also help the
presents of mentor that will help to overcome the
difficulties of the life.
The
father that forbids
Too
much harsh father blocks his son. Only he, the parent, can
enjoy the life. But, at the same time and that way, he stops
his son from growing up and becoming mature. When all the power
has the father, the son remains like a small kid among all
these "forbidden". The father takes away the
possibilities of the son to feel his own value. So, for such
the baby-boy the surrounding people feels more worthy.
Such
the limitations can make influence to the person in all the
fields of the life. In the relationship with the women is
all the time the taboo. To take the risk in the business is
also not for him. The issue of being brave is just a theory
that never gets in practice for such the guy. Such the men do
not feel themselves independent, it is very hard for them to
make the decision, being based just on their own opinion and
suggestions.
And
this type of man is specially jealous. All without exclusion
seems for such the man better and stronger competitors.
Depending on the amount of things there were forbidden and how
harsh there was the father, there sexual specialities of the the
guy will be different, too. The son of the harsh father has
the problem with erection, and premature evaculation, and it
makes the self value down. Very often such the man forbid the
partner something: control the surrounding - with whom she
talks, chose the clothes for her by his own.
It
is important to make the clear frames there. This is the basic
of education. But it is important to do it in benefit of the
interest of the son. Because the desire to teach the lesson, to
give a lesson to the son, it will identify the forbidden type
of the father that influence his kid in the way that was
described before.
The rude father.
Many
men demonstrate being courageous with the
appearance of stiffness. But, the rude father is a great block
for the future mature man. The scenes of violence and
humiliation from childhood, they keep in the memory for all the
life, and the surrounding people seems to be scary, amoral, be
able to be cruel. Exactly, for that reason many men are
afraid to become parents. It seems for them that the father
is a cruel creature. It is written down in their brain by
default. And this monster can appear any moment out. And it
means the night mare of the childhood will appear in their
life again.
The
baby-boy has just two ways of behaviour : to bend in front
of the cruelty of the father, or to stand against it with all
the power.
Getting
self-confidence via the son, the cruel father kills from
early beginning the braveness of the son. Being band, he
gets into shame and self-humiliation. Being stood against, he
gets the all the time internal tension.
Depending
on the chosen way, the sexuality will develop according to
that. In the first case it is possible the low down
temperament. In the second case it appears the
idealisation of the woman, taking her like not avaible, up
to obsessive sexual practice. Any obstacle takes out of the
balance such kind of the man.
Working
hard on themselves, the sons of the rude fathers can get peace
in the new family, in the relationship with close to them
people. They can study to live in happiness, not like during
the war attack all the time.
Father-Safer
At
first the image of the father-safer can seems like to be the
positive one. But this is the double sides type. Too much
taking care tyle of father do not do things together with
the child, but instead of the child. Such the father is too
much switched into the life of the son. And, it can happen
that even getting happy about failures of the son. "So,
you see? I used to tell you"! This is a being dependent
position for the baby-boy. It is hard to make decisions
independently for him. The opinion of the father remains the
most important and decisive.
There
are such the fathers that instead of "I used to tell
you", just say "This is not a mistake, but the
experience. And this way making the son to accept all the
sides of the life and does not feel himself to be a loser
because of each miss.
If to transfer it
into the sexual sphere, in the first case the guy will take
any imbalance in the sexual function like the total crash and
put his self value down. And the second case the guy will try
to understand the reason of the mistake, and based on the
experience, will omit the conditions, that will put his
sexuality into risk.
Suffering father.
Many
men talk about such a father like about the weak one person,
suffering one. This sufferings can be psychological (long
depression, following with using alcohol, or somatic - long
chronic sickness. Anyways, the father does not manage with the
role of a strong person, that the son needs so much.
With
such a type of the father, already in childhood the son has to
take the place of the head of the family. The consequences can
be different: it can appear the feeling to be better, then
others (I am stronger the the father!") . Or the deep sadness
( " the father is not available, absent, the one staying
apart"). It can develop too much altruism, the desire to
make everybody happy. These people very often become the
doctors, safety guards or the representatives of other helping
on professions.
The
image of the suffering father can become a reason that in
future the guy can not take care about his partner, including
sexual issue, waiting for the taking care will be directed
on him. The sexuality can be accepting like a complicated
and hard thing for him.
Father-partner.
The
most natural i constructive style of the father: the son and
the father are the part of one community. They can
co-operate without words. The father so to say is saying:"We
have the same blood with you, we do according the the same
rules, solve the same problems. Let me show you how it is to
be the man, and you try by your own to become the one, in
your own style".
Such
the father does not secure his son much: he understands that
since early age the baby-boy has to handle with the definite
level of uncertainty, sure according to the age. He carefully
checking how much the son can handle the challenge. He is
watching how via overcoming the boy is moving towards the new
level of development.
Here
is felt the clearness and freedom, but not the tries to
dominate. Such the way helps the man to find his ow power,
where also is present the fact of his own vulnerability. It
helps him to become sensual and attentive towards surrounding
people. And the opposite, the believe in invulnerability like in
only one possible appearance of power, makes the young guy far
away from his surrounding, and from himself, too. It leaves the
opportunity to accept moments and find experience via them.
The
men, who feel themselves the part of the community of the
men, have the healthy and harmony way attitude towards women. The
mystery female are fascinating them, bringing to the strong sexual
thrust with all the possible curiosity: the wish to have, to
get to know, to inquire, to seduce in sexual life. Such the men
do not try to make the woman to be like their slave, to outdo
her. And such the feeling of partners being equal, even if they
are different people, create the possibility to live the full
and rich sexual life.
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